lately i have been thinking about you. i feel terrible for it. i shouldnt have. it just feels so wrong but i cant help it. i really really miss you. i cant even describe it in words. if only you knew. sigh. i would turn back time, and fix whatever that is that went wrong between us. i know from the very beginning im gonna hurt you and i should have just stop putting your hopes up high. and now, look what happened to us. things are different now. you know, you could be my hero. but if only i know how to let go. cause im still stuck in the past and im afraid to open to a new one when i knew, i knew myself that you're not gonna hurt me. you treated me like im an angel. i just, i dont know what or how to say it. you're too nice. im not saying that i regret or what shit, is just that, if i could, i would go back in time and show you that you are actually appreciated. i appreciate for whatever that you did for me. honestly, remember when i did something bad that make you mad as fuck and you started to ignore me? i bought you food and a card saying sorry and i asked for my friend's help to find where you were on that day cause you didnt tell me and we go looking for you just to give you that. i know its not much but i never do that to anyone. even to my bestfriend. you're the only person i ever did that for. you are important to me. you really are. and when someone that are important in my life left me, thats the shittiest feeling ever. trust me, no one wants to feel how does it feels like. it hurts so so much. ugh my grammar are really bad right now.. im just so sad. i dont know if i should just text you saying how much i miss you or not. im afraid for the outcome. cause i dont know if you feel the same or maybe you just never think about me. god knows what. but i really do miss you. there is just too much about you that makes me smile. you cheer me up when im at my lowest point in my life man. and that is why i love you so much. you're the only person there going through everything with me. you picked me up when i was down. you know i was having a hard time and you're still beside me. you lend your shoulder when im crying, you did so much just to create a smile on my face. we spent a lot of time together that when you're not here, i feel your absence. i wish things are how it was back then. but i know, you wouldnt want that. it was hell for you. you did so much for me but i gave you nothing. you feel unappreciated. im sorry that you felt all that. i never meant to. if i have the chance to show it to you i would. i remember when im crying like a mad person in the car just because i ditch you to pick 'someone' up. you went back home. i feel like a monster. what kind of friend would do that to a friend?? i know im a bad person. well at least you already left people who do you no good right? while im here wishing that i could just treat you better. theres a lot to talk about when it comes to you. i wish you knew. i wish you knew all of this. i wish.
